There are few times that I am ever so pissed. Right now is one of them. Being denied the ability to do something b/c someone else is lazy is stupid and ridiculous. Quite frankly there are times I wish I was single and lived on my own, hell there are days that I plan that scenario out. Me just picking up and leaving, calling the movers over to get all my things and not looking back. I have a boiling rage that sits inside me and ever so slowly comes to the top in a seething anger. Something like that I should not admit to, I suppose it ruins my nice girl image but quite honestly I'm really not all that nice. I (to put things lightly) am in an unhappy relationship and am very much not content with the way things are. I give so much to the relationship but he gives nothing back, he instead denies things to me and even takes experiences and actual items away from me. He never changes, is always angry about one thing or another. When he's angry about things or other people he always takes that anger out on me instead. There are so many things I've said in anger and really don't regret saying b/c I still feel they are the truth even when I'm not completely angry. I hate the way he makes me feel, always talking to me like he knows so much more than I do. Always talking down to me like I don't understand, acting like I never do anything at all, and yet I never have a break, no relief. I am quite tempted to go back to kansas for yet another week b/c of the fact that nothing ever seems to change in this relationship. Not to mention with his brother always butting in, who keeps suggesting that he go and take a vacation without me and go hang out with other girls. I know he doesn't like me and I am well aware of what he thinks of me. I get it and I hate the way he looks at me like I am some eyesore. I may not be a supermodel but I am pretty, I may not be a genius but I am intelligent. There are so many things that I am that they can't even realize, there are so many things that I do that they simply do not understand. I am not easily broken down, at this rate however my heart may never get the chance to patch itself back together again. It gets hurt so often that it just doesn't have time to catch up. Its fine if nobody reads this, I've never intended to reach out for sympathy, nor do I expect anyone else to understand. I feel alone in this relationship and in this part of my life I need someone to be there for me. That's the one thing I've never had, soemone who is really there for me. I've been back and forth on few sites so I can evaluate my life, see where all this is leading me. I am of the opinion that my art can suffer horribly when I am hurt and now that is not the case. I have learned to use my anger to help fuel my art and to use all my sorrow and all my grief and  everything that I am to put into my art. So if here in the next few days that you see a lot of new art from me , you will know why.